It's Out of My Control

When we moved here I decided to start a personal journal, a new concept for me. Granted, I haven't exactly made regular journal entries but when I do, I often find it to be an uplifting experience. One of the main reasons is that when I get back to the States, I don't want to reread a journal full of complaints, and negativity. Therefore, I tend to work to steer my writings into a more positive direction. And when I do, I find that often God opens me up to a particular lesson or awareness that I might not have otherwise realized (I'd encourage you give it a try as well). Today's journal entry was a good realization for me and so I thought I'd share the gist of it with you.

As I was in the middle of writing today, we were stricken with another power outage. Only this time, upon investigation, we realized that it was not a blackout but rather, the electric co. had shut off the power to our apartment. Apparently, the landlord had gotten the bill and failed to share it with us, resulting in a non-payment and subsequent shut off (just 10 days after the bill was due mind you). We immediately paid the bill but were told that it'd be all day before power would be restored.

The irony of this is that I was in the middle of journaling about how living here has been a real lesson in patience. Things break, all the time. Things get fixed, very slowly or not at all. Appointments get scheduled, circumstances sometimes result in reschedules. Grocery lists get made, items are regularly missing from the store shelves. It's easy to view these all as bad things but living here has taught me that with the bad, comes a lot of good as well. "Belizean time," as we like to call it, forces me to spend a lot less time being angry and feeling stressed--it just is no way to live. It really does force a person to slow down and not be in such a hurry all the time. The result, I believe, is a lot let stress in our lives. In spite of the struggles that many Belizeans face (whether they know it or not) I tend to see them as living far less stressful lives than their American counterparts.

So as I began to ponder this--wonder why I don't live this way in the States--and reflect on how changes can be made in my personal life as I return to the U.S.. I feel like I finally can begin to understand it now. So much of one's life is out of our hands and living here makes that incredibly obvious. The problem is that in the States, with our modern conveniences, our 8 hr workdays, and our ability to fill up our free time with errands, activities, and subsequent obligations, we inherently come to feel that we are in control of our lives. And the more we try to control, the more stressed we feel. Now hear this: God is in control, not us. In Jeremiah 29:11 He makes that very clear. 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' If I just stop, step back, and choose to stop feeling the burden of everything I'm involved in then I'm giving it up to God--the one who is and should be in control and the one who wants nothing but the best for us. Choosing to put it out of my control at all times is what I've done here out of necessity but only now have I come to learn that actually it's a necessity everywhere in the world not just here. We must stop wrestling with our Savior to be in charge--we'll never win that battle anyway. I'd encourage you to try it yourself as well, in all aspects of your life. I'm sure that once you do, you too will feel liberated by the freedom that ensues. God can handle it all and if we'd just let Him do His job of loving and caring for us, then He'll remove the stress and fill us with the peace that can only come from Him. Now, I feel so good to be able to say "it's out of my control." It makes life feel like what it's actually supposed to be, and that is good.